After last night, I could never be a politician.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
as a side note pls kill me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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