He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
