im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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