Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
