sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
