I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
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