question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
