your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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