so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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