I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
