Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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