He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize