My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
