even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
