I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
