my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
