After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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