I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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