I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
