His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
