based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
