i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
