so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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