Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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