Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
