Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
