still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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