Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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