If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
