i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
