2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
