there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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