you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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