I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
