Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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