I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
