I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
