Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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