Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
