i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
