What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
