Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
