I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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