i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
