I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
