She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
