He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
