Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
