my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
