i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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