Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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