i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
