brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
