elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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